I'm baaaaaaaaccccckkkkk
Are you wondering where I've been? Well I'll get to that. But I do want to first say that I'm so sorry for disappearing on ya'll - it was not my intention! Had I been capable of more I promise I would've done more. Let me explain:
This is one of those posts that I've thought about writing a million times over the course of the past 4 years, but I've gotta say it's weird to actually be here writing it. Many of you have followed my journey through the PCOS, the acne, the threat of infertility, and all the way through the healthiest and best part of my life where I competed in a bikini competition, started my professional ballet career back up, and of course deciding to build a business & use my experience & knowledge to help you find natural healing for acne & PCOS!
I have SO missed this blog and all of you over the past month and a half, I missed giving and helping & providing for you. But this was a break I really needed to take. If I'm being honest, I just had nothing to give you guys. I WANTED to, I really did. But I was 100% depleted and in survival mode.
I wasn't depleted because of anything other than this new job my body took on called PREGNANCY.
Yep that's right ya'll.... I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!! 12 weeks and 5 days to be exact! WWWHHHHHHAAAAATTTTTTTTTT!? GAHHHHHH IT'S SO EXCITING! I'm so happy to finally have the energy to share this with you! I wanted to earlier, but I legitimately couldn't bring myself to because blogging takes a lot out of me. And again, I had nothing extra of myself to give.
Even just typing out that I'm pregnant makes me smile. I genuinely didn't think it would be possible for us to conceive a baby, let alone 100% naturally without any help or medical intervention. I mean... Do you understand what a huge deal this is for us!? I was told by doctors that I would need medical intervention. I was told PCOS had no cure. I was told this wasn't part of my destiny... But they were wrong. NATURAL HEALING WORKS YA'LL! This is further proof that the work I've been doing to help women heal their skin & hormones WORKS. What a HUGE BLESSING! I can't tell you how happy that fact alone makes me.
Because it means that it's possible for not just me - but for others too!
I have to be honest though, despite the happiness that getting pregnant has brought into our lives, pregnancy has not been fun or easy for me. In fact, I went from a super happy, productive, healthy woman to a zombie like shell version of myself.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
I want to back up a little and tell you all about how this little miracle baby came to be... Well sort of. I'll tell you how I found out I was preggers and how I shared that with my husband and all that jazz!
So for those of us with PCOS you'll know it's not abnormal to miss a cycle here and there. For me a lack of cycle was actually no indication that I was pregnant because it was already kinda irregular and never precise. Plus I ovulated at a random ass time in January (I know this based of cervical fluid changes- TMI I know) and not at all when my calendar predicted but I saw the signs, we gave it yet another try, and this one stuck! I'm not gonna lie, I was kinda over it. I was even starting to prep for another bikini competition because I didn't want to put my life on hold for something that I felt may never happen. I was discouraged and sick of taking my temperature every morning and logging everything into my app. Just goes to show that we need to learn to pay attention & trust our bodies more so than any other data points.
If you're on a journey to do this yourself def READ THIS BOOK: Taking Charge of Your Fertility
Back to how I found out...
I was having some major PMS symptoms, sore boobs for a full week (still wasn't alarmed, that's pretty normal for me) but then there were the week long nonstop cramps accompanied by my still sore boobs. I knew THAT was not normal. At least not for me. I barely cramp at all let alone for a whole week.
I was on a business trip at the time where I was just waiting for aunt flow to show up... But she didn't. So then I was just waiting to get home so I could take a pregnancy test. Keep in mind I had/have a huge stockpile of pregnancy tests at home because well, when you have an irregular cycle and you've been off the pill since 2013 plus trying to have a baby - you take a lot of tests. I have only EVER seen negatives. I can't tell you the many many many times I thought and hoped I was pregnant just to see yet another negative test. Which is what I expected this time also.
Until I saw that second line clear as day and finally - a positive pregnancy test!
I woke up at 5am as usual for my morning routine, and I knew I had to use my first pee of the day for the most accurate results. So I did. Then I watched the stick as the dye moved the way it always does and before I knew it....
TWO DISTINCT LINES. HOLY SH*T!
I immediately started crying big fat tears of joy. I was in the bathroom laughing and crying and also in disbelief all at the same time. I was shaking I was SO HAPPY. Thinking about that moment still gives me chills and makes me teary. I was pregnant. I am pregnant. I didn't think it was possible, but miracles do happen and turns out my body wasn't as broken as I thought!
I then walked into the bedroom all sniffly which woke up my husband (he is NOT an early riser so he usually doesn't even stir when I walk around in the early morning) and he asked me "is everything okay!? What's wrong?" he was so dazed and confused but I guess he noticed I was crying which is what woke him up.... All I said was "nothing's wrong.... But I got a positive pregnancy test." then I started crying and laughing again and he sat up in bed like WAIT WHAT!?
I showed him the test and he was just silently trying to wrap is mind around it all. He may have been a little overwhelmed... Good morning babe! HAHAH then he said "Is it right? Could it be a false positive?" to which I responded that while technically yes it's possible, it's very unlikely. False negatives happen much more often than false positives But regardless I tested again with different tests from different brands on different batches of pee that same day just to be sure.
We sat in bed next to each other silently for 2 hours, just soaking in our new reality. I have never felt closer to my husband than finding out that we had created a new life together. I cherish the memories when it was all so fresh and new. Before the pregnancy symptoms set in, and before we even knew how far along I was.
So of course I took a mirror selfie! I also gotta cherish the abs while I still got em!
This all took place back in early February believe it or not! Then the endless worry and terror set in. The OMG I have an 80% miscarriage rate because of PCOS and there are so many things that could go wrong! But wait don't stress because that's bad for the baby too!
Just so many emotions....
I don't have insurance due my husbands unemployment status since the end of 2016 and so came our next challenge - finding a free clinic. We found one and about two weeks or so later we got an ultrasound and saw our little squish's heartbeat! I was 6weeks 0days at the ultrasound meaning I found out right around 3-4 weeks! Due date is October 18th 2017!
And now I knew it was all really real! Symptoms had started but there was still so far to go.
This post is getting long though so let's do a spark notes version of what I've been going through so far... Details will just have to come in another post. I have always looked forward to pregnancy. Like really looked forward to it. I also hoped I would be one of those women who was good at pregnancy and felt awesome the whole time.
Turns out that shit ain't me.
I'm not going to sugar coat this... After those first few weeks until about midway through my 5th week I was in BLISS. Then dizziness, food aversions, 24/7 nausea, debilitating fatigue and just about everything else set in. I officially didn't feel like myself anymore.
Again, I'll go into detail on my whole first trimester in another post.... But let's simplify with a quick little checklist based on where I'm at right NOW on this crazy ride called pregnancy!! (thanks for the list of questions Dorsa!)
How far along? 12 weeks 5 days (almost 13 weeks!)
Maternity clothes? Meh not really. But my normal clothes are tight. They are just about all size small, extra small, or size 0-2... Sooo..... Yeah they won't last long. PLUS my sister in law is giving me hand-me-down maternity clothes so I have worn some for the comfort level!
Stretch marks? NOT YET.... Fingers crossed!
Symptoms: Evening nausea & puking... Plus energy is still low. Frequent migraines... And acid reflux plus burps. BLEH. But it's improvement over being in survival mode... So I'll take it!
Best moment this week: Finally sharing our news with the world!
Miss Anything? I miss NOT having acid reflux. And I miss feeling awesome everyday... I miss that a lot.
Movement: Not that I can feel but I'm sure baby is tumbling around in there!
Food cravings: None really. Been eating a lot of amazing salads though and it's been awesome! So I guess salads!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Eating is still kinda meh in general. But at least I can eat real food now without wanting to DIE!
Gender: Don't know yet!
Labor Signs: Nahhh
Belly Button in or out? It's IN!
Mood: Overall SO MUCH BETTER because my symptoms are better. Not 100% at all but better!
Wedding Rings on or off: On!
Looking forward to: Visiting my friend Stacy & her baby in MD tomorrow with my sister in law Johanna who is 35 weeks pregnant! OH and it's spring break from teaching PLUS I hit 13 weeks on Wednesday YAY!
Days till next appointment: Like a million.... Not really but honestly I have no clue. We're going with midwives and I haven't figured out the whole payment thing yet, so I have no future appointments scheduled at the moment... No insurance remember? SIGH.
Days left until due date: 191 days! Holy eff!
OKAY so that was fun! I plan to do weekly updates for ya'll on Wednesdays so you can look forward to those! Annnnndddd I'll be doing another post to share the rest of the adorable announcement pictures we took! It was really hard to choose... My bestie Anya took the pics and my amazing photographer friend Laurene edited them for us!
It feels good to be back! I hope to have both the energy & the ability to create more acne friendly recipes for you soon along with new content so you can live your best life with naturally clear skin! I have some new programs & projects in the pipeline as well so you have all of that coming your way soon!!
The whole 'all food is grossing me out' plus heightened sense of smell thing made cooking & recipe development impossible which is why you haven't seen anything new from me on that end recently... Here's to hoping this baby will allow me to be human-ish again soon!
Don't forget - you can always gain free access to my paleo acne resource library by entering your email address below! You'll find tons of tools to help you out on this journey to clear skin and happy hormones! Plus seriously, tons of way to just make your life easier!!!
Trust me, don't take your health for granted! You never know when you might cease to have full control over it!
Until next time my loves!!
