How to have a GOOD Morning!

.Well when you write a super stellar blog post with great info and you lose the whole thing... Sometimes you decide to write a random blog post just to make yourself feel a little bit better. And sometimes the post that started off as a random post actually takes on a bigger purpose and meaning, yay! This is that post.

So I want to start by saying that I'm sorry for being a bit MIA this month.

You know how when there's something that you're supposed to do (like write a specific blog post on a specific topic) then it makes you not want to do it at all even though it's typically something you enjoy doing? No? Well anyway that's what the post I just lost was for me. It felt like pulling teeth to get myself to sit down and write it, and I had finally done so...

But I will rewrite it again at some point but today is not that day. Everything happens for a reason so I'm honeslty not even upset about it! GAH there are so many exciting things happening in my life and business I just want to share them ALL!

Life has been kind of crazy recently! 

It's been good. It's been great. But it's also been crazy! First I'd like to just mention - how in the hell is it already October, and almost 2017!? The fact that my September bday already came and went this year is blowing my mind. Less than 90 days til we're at a new year again. That's scary! What are you planning? I know I'm circling back to some goals I set for the year and trying to stay true to the word I assigned for 2016 - and that was GROWTH.

With growth in mind - I wanted to write this blog post about my morning routine and how it has really transformed things for me in a BIG WAY. It might even help you to incorporate some, if not ALL of these habits into you life! Proceed with an open mind and believe me when I say that I was never a morning person before. In fact I would roll out of bed after snoozing my alarm for about an hour and reluctantly go on with my day, usually pissed off that I had to adult in some way shape or form.

So on to the purpose of this post! My morning routine to balance hormones, improve digestion, and start every day with true PURPOSE

1. Oil Pulling

Yep I know it sounds weird. I literally roll out of bed every morning, pee, and then put about a tablespoon of coconut oil, olive oil, grapeseed oil, or castor oil in my mouth! Oil pulling is an ancient Indian practice of swishing oil in your mouth for up to 20 minutes! You can start with about 5 minutes, and daily try to work your way up to 20. I'll give some more details on this below. I like to multitask while I'm oil pulling - sometimes I get dressed and organized for my day, and sometimes I have dance parties as my snapchat followers can attest to, it just depends on the day!

Benefits:

Oil pulling improves digestion by detoxifying the area where our digestion starts: the mouth. Not only do you pull toxins from your mouth into the oil, but it also stimulates your mucous response and typically when you spit it out, you end up spitting out some phlegm. Gross I know, but even when I'm not sick or congested that stuff comes out - and I'd much rather get it out of my body then have it sitting in there - gross! This reduces inflammation, aids digestion, and whitens teeth - all things that are good on their own, but in the grand scheme of things they will also help clear your acne!!

Method:

Put one of the oil listed above in your mouth. You must do this on an empty stomach or it might make you throw up a little when you spit it out. Swish around for ideally 20 minutes, but work your way up to it starting with 5-10 minutes at first. Do not swallow the oil. By the end of 20 minutes the oil will be filled with toxins, mucous, and particles from your mouth. You will spit this out into a trashcan and not your skin - because that will clog your sink in no time! Immediately after spitting out the oil and getting out some mucous, you'll want to brush your teeth!

2. Tooth Powder

Yes, it's true. I brush my teeth with tooth powder! Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn! I thought it was weird at first but I actually like it a lot personally. There are a lot of different ones on the market these days but I can't really speak to those - my personal favorite is by Dr. Christopher that you can find on amazon HERE   not only is it a great price, but it's a great product and lasts forever! 

Benefits:

By using this herbal tooth powder you're mouth is getting cleaner than it does with conventional toothpaste and without all the chemicals! Enough said I think! Oh also if you're breaking out around your mouth - your toothpaste is likely the culprit! I was always told to put toothpaste on pimples as a teen - it never worked - and the reason I now know is because BAKING SODA that used to be in toothpaste and isn't really anymore, can help pimples. Anyway....

Method:

I hope you know how to brush your teeth.. Wet tooth brush, dip into powder, and brush in circular motion. Rinse and repeat if you so desire!

3. Oil Cleansing Method (OCM)

Okay.... so a few things here before I get into the nitty gritty... First off - and my clients all know this - I typically recommend doing the OCM in the evenings in order to take off any makeup, and just wiping your face down with a damp towel in the morning and or spritzing with some topical probiotics OR some natural toner. This is accurate - HOWEVER since I no longer wear makeup on my skin daily and I typically do some kinda face rinse midday after a workout, I honestly don't "wash" my face before bed often. I will say that when I have done OCM the night before then I won't do it in the morning - I do it once a day and that's it - again unless makeup is somehow involved then it very rarely happens twice in a day. Another thing I'd like to mention is that I often do this WHILE I'm Oil Pulling to save time! I can't officially recommend this because it takes some practice and I don't want people choking on oil because they tried to multitask. Plus it isn't necessary in any way - but it's a time saving trick nonetheless!

Benefits: 

 Depending on the oil you use you will see different benefits! Oils actually carry a lot of great nutrients in them for our skin! One of my faves for OCM is Grapeseed oil which has oleic acid that's wonderful for skin health, it's non comedogenic (doesn't clog pores), restores collagen, reduces scars, fights aging, helps acne, tightens skin, helps with those dark circles around your eyes, a ton of other things. PLUS contrary to popular "conventional" belief, oil actually cleans oil - it doesn't clog you pores. However, I'll say if you're switching from conventional face wash or especially prescription grade face wash then you're skin will have to adjust to the new routine. You could start by just using grapeseed oil as a moisturizer after your cleanser and progress from there! This could take a few weeks, or even up to a month or so. But in the long run it is totally worth it! Just take it slow and let your skin adjust! There's no rush!

Method:

Pour about a quarter size of oil into the palm or your hand and take some time to really massage the oil into your skin. It's like getting a facial at home! I like to massage it in circular motions for 10-20 seconds making sure I get every spot including my neck. Then take a warm, clean, moist hand towel and set it on your face for about 10-30 seconds to allow the oil to be absorbed into your skin. Make sure the towel is NOT hot. Just warm. After about 10-30 seconds use the same towel to wipe the oil off your face thoroughly, and then rinse the towel and you're done! It feels soooo good! In the evenings (when I wear makeup) I end up doing OCM twice in a row. I use grape seed oil to take off my makeup with the method above, then with a new towel I use Fatco to cleanse my face. More often than not I only end up using the Fatco oil in the mornings (it has grapeseed oil in it) which you can find HERE. And in all honesty I'm kind of obsessed with the "oily skin" Fatco face cleansing oil!! You should def give it a try!

4. Morning Tonic

There are many different things you can drink as your morning tonic, but this is the mixture that I not only can tolerate, but I actually enjoy it! Feel free to mix it up, and also take it slow! Start off with just a small amount of Raw Unfiltered Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV) around 1tsp and in time you can work your way up to about 2 tbs! But beware, depending on what's going on in your gut and how much you drink, it can make you feel nauseous!

Benefits:

I'm sure you've heard all about the magic that is ACV. It's said to lower cholesterol, help you lose weight, regulate blood sugars, heal leaky gut, aid in digestion, break down mucus, so on and so forth! But the reason I find it particularly beneficial is because it contains organic acids and enzymes that help to balance Ph in your gut and creates an environment where probiotics can grow and flourish. This is HUGE! Probiotics are essential for gut health and gut health is essential for really every single aspect of your life far beyond just eating and eliminating food. I believe it was Hippocrates that said "all disease starts in the gut". No matter what ails you, I guarantee that you need to work on healing some leaky gut issues! Also if you suffer at all from acid reflux (which I did severely for years) then it can help again to balance the Ph and acids in your stomach and therefore aid in breaking down your foods in digestion, AND nutrient absorption. SO if all that isn't reason enough for you then I don't know what else to tell you. But I'd say this is pretty important!

Method:

I like to have this in the morning 20 minutes before eating. I usually shoot it, then drink some water & tea, then eat. Mix your desired amount of ACV (1TSP - 2TBSP) with one half a juice of lemon, some water, and I like to add a dash of ground ginger, turmeric, & cinnamon! You can also add some manuka honey if you'd like, or slightly heat up some water for the same concoction if you're dealing with candida. But make sure the water isn't boiling or too hot as that will kill those delicate enzymes in the ACV! Again I recommend having your breakfast about 20 minutes later! You can also do this during the day 10-20 minutes before any meal! Below is my YouTube video with the recipe & method as well!

5. Life S.A.V.E.R.S

I got this directly from the book The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. I recommend you get this book ASAP as it has transformed not only my mornings, but really my life in general. I got it on audiobook, but the paperback is great as well! You can find it on amazon HERE. Also once you read it you'll know what I mean - but if anyone wants to do a 30 day MM challenge with me I'm seriously always looking for people to do it with in order to help hold me accountable! I do the actual S.A.V.E.R.S just about everyday, but I don't always manage to wake up at 5. The truth is though, I honestly feel my absolute BEST when I do! Seriously, if you skip everything else I recommended in this blog post, PLEASE do not skip this one! It is truly a life changing practice!

Benefits:

I mean where can I start....??? I feel more motivated, I feel centered, I'm aligned with my purpose and my vision, I feel productive, my dreams and goals are clearer, I am able to manifest and pour energy into the places I want energy to flow in my life, and I honestly finally feel like I'm tapping into my true potential. I know that's a lot, and I can't make a promise that you'll feel the same way, or that you'll even feel good about it at first. But I swear, it's SO worth it!

Method:

S - Silence or meditation. A - Affirmations. V - Visualization, I like to turn on a visualization radio station on Pandora and it really helps me to focus in on what I want to visualize. E - Exercise, I usually save this for the end. R - Reading, I always read a Personal Development, business, or self help book. My current favorite is Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins which you can find HERE. S - Scribe or journal. I sometimes use this time to write out my goals for the day, sometimes I just gather my thoughts, and sometimes I just vent about everything and sort out my feelings and emotions. You can do each activity for 1 minute each if you're short on time, or you can do 10 - 20 minutes on each thing which is my fav! If you want more resources for this book and what its all about click HERE. I highly recommend finding a spot to do these daily activities that is NOT your bed! For instance I have a little window nook where I do them, and it's my favorite spot in my house! I've added pillows, and often my little puppy Addy will join me! 

I absolutely LOVE my little nook and having a place the automatically puts me in a good mood is a good thing also! Okay so that's all for today folks! I hope this post helps you with creating an empowering morning routine you can stick to in order to optimize your health!

I swear, it may not seem important, but how your morning goes can really set the tone for your day. So don't start it off by breaking promises you made to yourself, or running around stressed and pissed because you had to wake up and leave you bed at all! Trust me I get it, I love my bed, but I love having a full and flowing life even more! You deserve to have  GOOD morning also!!!!

As always, please like, comment, and share this post if you found it helpful or think it might help others in any way! It allows me to expand my reach, help more people, and you never know how something like this could change someones life! Leave any questions in the comments section also ya'll!

xoxo- Harmony

Also the links in this post are my affiliate links which means you pay the same amount you usually would but I make a small percentage off the sale for recommending them to you! 

Build a BADASS Booty

Okay so I realize that it's kind of weird. I have been practically an absentee blogger yet here I am posting not one, but THREE different posts in one week!? Okay I repeat, where is Harmony and what did you do with the body??

I know guys, BUT it's like I said in my last post, sometimes I get like a fear or anxiety about blogging when I haven't blogged in awhile. Like the pressure is REALLY REAL YA'LL.

But fear is dumb and I'm SO not about that life! Anyway that is so not the point of this blog post! I'm here to talk about booties ya'll! Okay I'm here to talk about more than just booties but I mean not all of us were born with an internet busting Kim Kardashian Booty:

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Also, yes. You're not imagining it. That totally just happened here on my holistic blog!

I've always been more of a booty girl than a boobies girl. That's just my life, I'm pretty flat chested and I'm honestly totally okay with that now. PCOS made my boobs even smaller (thanks testosterone) which made me realize that it's okay. But for about 99% of my life I just wanted bigger boobs or even implants with smaller legs/hips/butt area! But alas THAT AIN'T ME! And I'm good with that now! Now just because a bottom half is "bigger" doesn't always mean that it's NICE. If you want a nice booty that takes work. PERIOD. Ballet works the booty like crazy ya'll. No joke. So I lucked out there in my earlier years I suppose. But then sitting on my ass day in and day out for years "helped" by booty grow in the not to nice kinda way. It was the 'none of my pants fit' kind of way. No one likes that way.

I think it really goes without saying at this point that I have had more than my fair share of body image issues. What can I say, being a girl growing up in the ballet world does wonders for body image issues and the psyche (please do note the sarcasm). I actually had this epiphany about 3 years ago when I realized that I would never actually be satisfied with my body. I knew I would never been thin enough for myself. I would never be fit enough for myself. I would always want more and always want to change things.

It was in that moment that I decided to just ACCEPT MYSELF THE WAY I AM.

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What an insane concept right!? No one actually does that! UHM yeah actually, they do. It's called making a decision and sticking to it. What's really amazing though is what happens once you make a decision like that. Because once I decided to accept me for me (SHE LIKES ME FOR MEEEEEE - name that tune!) I actually started seeing the biggest changes in my body! Or maybe it was all in my head all along, who knows! But suddenly I knew I was alright! In fact I was better than alright, I was AWESOME.

It has been a lot of hard work learning to love myself regardless of how I look and it's still something that comes up within me especially with the whole PCOS acne thing! I'm far from perfect but I try to accept myself the best that I can! SO I decided to put this whole I love myself - self love & acceptance thing to the ultimate test in the form of registering for my first (and probably last) BIKINI COMPETITION.

The Beachbody Classic. *insert I just shat myself face emoji*

Yep, I'm gonna be one of those crazy ass looking women with a dark ass tan and muscles strutting their stuff in a super skimpy bikini on stage in front of thousands of people.

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Okay so full disclosure and a few things I want to mention about this before you get all crazy and judgy on me:

1. I am not going to over train OR starve myself - my plan is very simple and healthy.
2. I may or may not get a spray tan. I honestly haven't decided yet. Regardless it will NOT be some crazy shade of orangy spray and I'd have to find one with ingredients that don't make me hurl.
3. I'm not trying to win anything or prove a point. I just want to challenge myself.
4. I'm doing all my training with AT HOME WORKOUTS. YEP! Details on this below.
5. I do NOT plan on bulking like crazy either. True Story.
6. I still have a lot of research to do! I know a lot but I'm not an expert on this yet! There's so much more to learn!
7. I DO have a super awesome plan in place with help from some of my fav celebrity trainers (Autumn Calabrese, Sagi Kalev, Chalene Johnson, & Leandro Carvalho) that makes me really excited!

After reading all that you might be asking yourself "why does she want to do this!? I don't get it!" The answer? I want to push myself towards a goal that scares the shit out of me. That's right. Doing this really freaks me out. The thought of walking on stage and posing for 15 seconds while flexing my muscles in a bikini is just like OMFG ABORT ABORT! Dancing in a tutu is one thing. This is another thing entirely and it scares me! This tells me that I need to do it.

It also has motivated me like crazy in my workouts! I'm already pushing so much harder and seeing results a lot faster because of it and I'm still a good 17 weeks out or so! I'm honestly so excited because I have come up with a killer plan and I want to share that with you and let you in on it! Well at least part of it. I can't reveal ALL my secrets right off the bat!

Right now this month (April 2016) I'm working on PiYo - mostly my live rounds and some of the at home program as well. I also have my last performance of the season this month so I don't want to overdo it! Then I'm moving onto Hammer & Chisel again but with a twist! I'm doing a hybrid by also adding in Brazilian Butt Lift which is a super fun dance based program!!! I'm going to continue with Paleo but also incorporating a twist when I get closer to competition time! Aaaaaaand I'm not just going to dish my whole plan to you since it's top secret, so that's all I'm going to share about it for now!! The rest of it is reserved for a select few to know! HINT: you could be one of the few!!! Keep reading! 

HERE'S WHERE THINGS GET EXCITING FOR YOU!

Okay so obvi I don't expect you to want to get as shredded as you need to for a bikini competition however, I do want you to challenge yourself. Summer and bikini season IS right around the corner and I totally want to help you feel confident in that swimsuit. It's not just about losing weight, I want you to FEEL confident as hell in your own skin! SO with that being said, I' decided to turn my master bikini plan into an online group for you to participate in with me each month until competition time. And this first month is going to be called BUILD A BADASS BOOTY starting on May 1st!

"But it's the beginning of April Harmony so why are you talking about this NOW!?" WELL I want to give you the chance to get the promotional price for these programs (you can get Brazilian Butt Lift fo freee yo! I'll tell you how) AND by registering for the group as an early bird (before April 15th) you're going to get SPECIAL and exclusive content from me plus extra gifts! I mean who doesn't like free stuff? I know I do! Plus guys I already have some spots filled. This groups capacity is going to max out fast and I want you to get your spot before they're all gone! I can only take on so many people! But YOU should be one of them!

I want to back up a second though. When it comes down to it, I don't think it matters even a little bit how you look in a bikini. What I DO KNOW that matters is how you FEEEEEEL on the inside and the outside about yourself. Making these good decisions for yourself, deciding to eat right and nourish yourself with nutrients along with exercising changes you not only physically, but mentally as well. Literally your body chemistry CHANGES. More than anything guys this is really a great opportunity for you to start getting healthy from the inside out and learn to treat yourself right.

I know everyone is in a different place. If you've already been healthy but just need an extra push then this group is for you. If you've hit a plateau in your journey then this is for you. If you want to really see results & you're ready to commit to YOU then this is for you. If you're ready to love yourself then this is for you. If you want to change how you feel in your body then this is for you. If you want to change your freaking life then this IS FOR YOU!!!! This group is for everyone from all walks of life! I so want to help you achieve your goals but there's only so much I can do without your participation! So let's do this thing together!

Did you know that over 70% of people who start a workout program never even finish it? Did you know that this percentage significantly DECREASES when you work with a coach? The real beauty of it is, I essentially work for free guys. You don't pay anything extra for my services as your coach. So why do it on your own when I can help you FO FREE!? Literally all you pay for are the products and I can guarantee you, they're worth every life changing cent. They actually come with a 30 day money back guarantee also. SO there' that. But seriously though. They're AMAZING and I don't see why you would even consider using that guarantee. I'll go a little more into the nitty gritty details below.

I'm going to be sharing all of my workout tips, tricks for success, exclusive Paleo quick start meal plans, my own tried and true methods, recipes, and seriously just SO MUCH MORE to get you feeling healthy! This is going to take place in this new free app for challenge groups! Cool right!? Enrollment just requires the purchase of a challenge pack through me! Like I mentioned H&C is on sale ya'll!! If there was ever a time to purchase it, now would be that time! I made this little video about what comes in a H&C challenge pack. It's short and here for your viewing pleasure! Remember that a challenge pack ALSO comes with 30 crazy nutrient dense SUPERFOOD MEALS in the form of Shakeology! 

Hammer & Chisel on it's own is a seriously amazing program but when you combine it with my favorite superfood dense nutritional shake Vegan Shakeololgy plus portion control containers and everything else I mentioned above, the possibilities are endless! Here's a quick video about it in case you're still on the fence! This video was a turn off for me personally. I honestly find them to be cheesy but I mean... It gives you a good idea of what the program is all about! I swear these workouts are flipping amazing!

I hope you enjoyed that video, and if not then that's fine too. Listen I don't want to make this post too long and you guys know me, I'm not into sales gimmicks or any BS like that. I do however, think this is a great opportunity for you to try some AMAZING products with my support and killer plan! Don't let fear or hesitation, or BS EXCUSES hold you back. You CAN do this! You are worth making the effort for! There's really no downside to joining us besides the fact that there will be some hard work involved. But nothing worth having comes easy! That's just life! Trust me you wouldn't want it if it was just handed to you!

SO on that note I'm going to sign off. I'm pooped. It's 1:53 AM but I was too damn excited about this group to go to bed without blogging about it FIRST! If you have any questions you know where to find me! You can always just comment below, you can email me (thepaleoballerina@gmail.com) OR you can find me on facebook, or Instagram (both are linked on this page).

Yeah okay my energy is officially gone, night night time!!!! Love you guys!

xoxo - Harmony 

Cracking nuts and toes

Amidst my schedule that has been unbelievably busy recently I seem to have found myself with some free time. I've been heavily immersed in the world of ballet. I'm currently at a dress rehearsal for a show that I may or may not be dancing in. This is what we in the ballet call being an understudy. I already danced two performances last weekend but alas here I am again this weekend saying 'to dance or not to dance, that is the question.' It's amazing though the magic that happens in a theater and on a stage. When all the pieces come together the result is something that cannot be simply explained, it must be experienced.

Okay let me back up a little bit. Last time I posted was probably a good 2-3 weeks ago and I was just done with my first week of getting back into ballet classes. Well an amazing opportunity was presented to me after an injury occurred at a studio I took class at and here I am, having done two performances as their sugar plum fairy. I'm still only about 3 weeks into taking classes and the grand pas is HARD. Plus I'm in shock that this actually happened at all. I never imagined landing a role period let alone one line this... And so soon. That coupled with a few other complications and circumstances has my body begging for mercy. I had to learn the entire pas -a version I had never even seen before- in a week and be able to perform it. Talk about pressure... Then from crazy blisters, to dead point shoes, randomly swollen feet, uncomfortable nude leotards, stage makeup, brand new tights that ripped on stage and a slew of other factors this whole experience has been a whirlwind.

I've met a lot of great people, pushed myself in ways I did not foresee, and it's been great. It really has. There's been plenty of drama and discomfort that's gone along with all of it but I feel blessed. I had one performance that felt like a train wreak in which my my shoes died during the pas, and my tights literally caught on my partners costume on stage and ripped a big hole in my butt. But more importantly I felt incomplete, defeated, and disappointed in myself after the fact. I didn't feel elated, or even a little bit happy for having performed and survived. I knew I could do better which was frustrating but more importantly I also knew that I hadn't done well. But that second performance was magic.

Everything came together on stage. It still wasn't anywhere near perfect but with how out of shape I am, I was never expecting perfection. All things considered, this time I felt it. I felt the happiness, satisfaction, and a sense of accomplishment that I have been accustomed to feeling after performing. That feeling is what I'm doing all of this for. Life is a funny thing, it reveals its meaning to you when you least expect it.

Okay well I need to be ready to dance just in case so I should probably do that. Did I mention that this show is sold out?? Crazy right!? We'll see what happens, I'm fine whatever way this goes. My body would be relieved if I didn't have to dance, that's for sure... Well until next time...

Xoxo - Harmony

Midnight Ramblings

I tend to write posts and let them sit for a few days before I read them over again and actually post them. I wrote this one on Sunday evening... As will be obvious from the first sentence. I can hardly call this midnight, since it's literally only 10:30pm on this Sunday evening but nonetheless I will now begin to ramble. After watching some Gilmore Girls and falling asleep, then waking back up to turn it off and 'officially' go to bed almost an hour ago my mind is racing  It's amazing how you can just fall asleep during an activity but then when you actually try to go to bed it can be futile. In this case I find myself going over the ballet classes I've taken the past two Saturdays. Now to be fair I don't feel HORRIBLE about them. I mean I haven't consistently danced since the end of 2008 or early 2009. YEP 2009. That's almost 6 freaking years ago. So with that in mind I'm trying not to be too hard on myself. And I mean thank God I do bikram yoga, because otherwise I don't think this whole trying to get back into dance thing would even be possible.

Bikram has allowed me to regain flexibility, strength, mental discipline, and although I haven't fully regained all of it, and ballet is an entirely different beast of it's own, it's helped this process.

Yet I still find myself tossing and turning, going over the parts in class where I particularly felt inadequate. I don't know why, but I swear what I'm struggling the most with in these classes is my brain. As a ballet teacher I always tell my students that they need to know the combinations because otherwise you can't work on refining the steps or remembering corrections because you're too caught up just trying to keep up with the combination. Which is true. But I now find myself being that person who cannot remember the combinations. I have never been this person. In the past, whatever I physically lacked, I made up for with a good mind, I could pick up and remember combinations for days like it was nothing.

Needless to say I am frustrated as hell with myself on this. How can I get my brain to catch up to my body? And I'll be damned if in the next class I take a get stumped by another petite allegro (small jumping) combination. I mean seriously. Yes, I've never been strong in the petite allegro variety but SHEESH it's never been this rough. I see even just as I write all of this out that I'm weighing far too heavily on comparing this 24 year old out of practice version of me to the 18 year old 'best shape I've been in' dancer version of me who had been taking ballet class 4 hours a day 6 days a week for practically 6 years straight, if not longer.

But how can I not do that? I NEED to push myself. I can't settle for just being okay. If there's anything I took away from all of the "Academic Ballet Courses" I took at Kirov it's the line "Ballet does not stand mediocrity." I cannot remember who the hell said it but I seriously have never heard a truer statement, and I knew it as soon as I heard it. Mediocrity just has no place in ballet. No one wants to watch that. Especially no one wants to pay to see that, and sure as hell no one is going to pay you to dance poorly or even just 'okay'. You can barely get paid to dance amazingly... SO yeah.

Why I am taking myself back down this rabbit hole than you may ask? The only word that comes to mind is: PASSION.

I seriously just love it. I don't know why, I can't explain it, there will probably always be at least a small part of me that dreads ballet class and the uncertainty of how my body will perform that day, but I do love it. Being a professional ballet dancer in a ballet company (which by the way I'm sure means nothing to people in the 'normal' world) is a hard life. I have friends who are in it and beyond talented who struggle with their directors just not giving them the chances they deserve. It's a crazy world where people don't eat and they abuse their bodies day in and day out. But there's an insane part of me that just wants a small taste of it.

I don't know if my brain will start to cooperate. I don't know if my body will cooperate. But I couldn't sit in bed tossing and turning going over the parts in class I WISH I had done better in. It gives me anxiety, and to be honest, there is not one damn thing I can do about it right now from my bed.

I needed this outlet, so thank you for existing. Thoughts can haunt us, and drown us sometimes. Sometimes we just need some gratification and acknowledgement and writing can somehow provide that. I actually had a good bikram class just this morning, the teacher even asked me to demonstrate a posture (floor bow) to my surprise. I felt very humbled and honored - I've seen people be called out for demonstrations countless times, and I've always wished to be that person. I also never really imagined that I would be, I am the type of person who needs interaction and validation, as I believe we all do in different ways. I may be more secure with myself in some ways but in others I still lack the self assurance to know how I am doing beyond- "wow, that was really shitty."

I have to put the classes behind me and move forward. The next classes will be even better. Bikram and ballet alike. I actually have an idea of a plan for how to make this ballet thing work... It's still a rough draft but maybe I'll share it at some point if it turns out to be doable (I HOPE!).

There is so much more to life than all this little self centered petty stuff I wrote about above. I needed to get my thoughts out and I did, which I can appreciate  but there is so much more to my life than this here. Last weekend for instance, we celebrated my dear sister in law's birthday on Sunday by going to a winery. It was a nice time, my brother and I baked her a blueberry tart thingy from her pinterest, then on her actual birthday (Monday) we went to a great restaurant that caters to people with food allergies. They had a lot of dairy free and gluten free options on the menu which were great. I also made her this awesome paleo coconut cream pie from Living Healthy with Chocolate that I also made last year. Since it was so well received, I decided to give it a repeat appearance this year. Then yesterday after hanging out in Poolesville at the ballet studio for most of the day, I stopped by my brother and sister in law's house (the same one mentioned above - Johanna) and we ate pie, and talked. Later we made this AMAZING soup that popped up on my facebook newsfeed and went to a game night. I played a whole lot of the game Telestrations and literally laughed until my stomach hurt. I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed THAT hard, and it was awesome. Lastly on this here Sunday I met Johanna for yoga, then we met some more friends at an adorable restaurant in Alexandria for a late brunch which was also great. I eventually made my way home to a lazy evening with my husband and you know this rest about this evening.

That's it. That's all I have for today and this weekend and everything else. I hope I've sufficiently emptied out my brain enough for sleep. I'm excited for lyrical class tomorrow evening, it should be a lot of fun. I'm hoping to hang out afterwards and put my pointe shoes back on. Oh yeah that's another thing. No longer having ballet callouses sucks... Pointe shoes really hurt again. And they haven't since I was maybe 11? It's like I ran backwards for miles or something. But it's OKAY. I'll get there, thank God (and the Secret) for the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction. I feel so much better right now, you have no idea.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

xo - Harmony